Customer: I'm trying to connect to the Internet with your CD, but
it just doesn't work. What am I doing wrong?
Tech support: OK, you've got the CD in the CD drive,
Tech support: And what sort of computer are you using?
Customer: Computer? Oh no, I haven't got a computer. It's in my
CD player and all I get is weird noises. Listen.....
Tech support: Aaaarrrrgggghhhh!!!
Tech support: What kind of computer do you have?
Customer: A white one...
Tech support: Click on the "my computer" icon on the left
of the screen.
Customer: Your left or my left?
Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print.
Every time I try, it says, "Can't find printer." I've even lifted the
printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still
says he can't find it...
Tech support: What's on your monitor now, ma'am?
Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me in the
Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
Tech support: Are you sure it's plugged in to the
Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.
Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces
Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you?
Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in.
Is there another keyboard?
Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work.
Tech support: Your password is the small letter a as in
apple, a capital letter V as in Victor, the number 7.
Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters?
Customer: I can't get on the Internet.
Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five stars.
Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use?
Tech support: That's not an anti-virus program.
Customer: Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer.
Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen
saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.
Tech support: How may I help you?
Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.
Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter "a" in the address, but how do
I get the circle around it?
A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her
Tech support: Are you running it under Windows?
Customer: No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good
point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and
his printer is working fine.
Tech support: Okay Bob, let's press the control and escape
keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the
screen. Now type the letter "P" to bring up the Program Manager.
Customer: What do you mean?
Tech support: "P" ... on your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: "You've got to fix my
computer. I urgently need to print a document, but the computer won't
Tech Support: "What does
Customer: "Something about an
error and non-system disk."
Tech Support: "Look at
your machine. Is there a floppy inside?"
Customer: "No, but there's a
sticker saying there's an Intel inside. "I'M NOT GOING TO DO
"Ok, now click your left mouse button."
(silence) "But I only have one mouse."
"I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."
"Did you get a pop-up menu?"
"Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"
"Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?"
"Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'."
"What does the screen say now?"
"It says, 'Hit ENTER when ready'."
"How do I know when it's ready?"
"Customer Support, this is David, may I help you?"
"Hello, yes, it's me."
"Oh, it's me too." [chuckle]
"No, Esmie. E, s, m, i, e."
"Tell me, is the cursor still there?"
"No, I'm alone right now."
"Ok, ma'am, do you see the button on the right hand side of your mouse?"
"No, there's a printer and a phone on the right hand side of my mouse."
"Just call us back if there's a problem. We're open 24 hours."
"Is that Eastern time?"